Re: To Have and to Hold

Nearly 2 years ago, I wrote a letter for my school lit. journal with the response to the question: If you could write a letter to the person that you’ll spend the rest of your life with, what would you say? I pondered this and pondered this and composed a letter about change and undying love. Looking back at it now, I realized that I would’ve written something entirely different had I written this at a different point in time. So, here is a follow-up letter to my original one.

Read the original I wrote for this letter to make sense: http://i13.eportalnow.net/kessel-kayla–to-have-and-to-hold-ramstein-hs–short-prose.html

Dear Future Husband,

So much has changed since the last time I wrote. Two years and I’ve already grown from the person I used to be. I’m sure you’ve grown too. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it? One day you wake up and you’re more different than you’ve ever been. You almost don’t recognize the person you are in the mirror. It’s the same face, but you’re unlike the person that you once knew.

Over the past two years, I have come to realize that my last letter, while well-intentioned, was a little naïve. You see, love is not that burning candle that never goes out as I once believed. That does true love no justice. Rather, love is an intangible and incomparable phenomenon. I won’t even attempt to explain it but to say that love is not the candle or the flame. Love is the thing that re-ignites and feeds that candle after it has blown out.

So, on that note, there are some things you need to know about me, things that could blow out our candle. Even if I say otherwise, I am the jealous type. I am not the neurotic, over reactive jealous type though, so you don’t have to worry about that. I sometimes get upset over the small, petty things. Sometimes they just get to me. If you tell me something, I will usually take it to heart. Believe me when I say that I’ll remember most of the things that you say to me. Also, I may act like things don’t bother me, but usually they’re replaying in my mind. Yes, I’m presumptuous and will think things through about a million times with every possible scenario. I sometimes can be a bit selfish, but I try to keep that in check. I am pretty indecisive as well. There are definitely times I will be pigheaded and stubborn and you just won’t want to deal with me. So yeah, that’s the worst of me. Hopefully you’ll love me enough to put up with my craziness. After all, you’re going to marry me. If you don’t know this already, I’d be shocked.

And, here’s the thing, I don’t expect or want you to be a prince charming or a knight in shining armour. I don’t need saving. I am strong and usually pretty independent. Instead, I want someone to be by my side through it all. I want someone who isn’t going to give up on me because I can be stupid and insecure sometimes. I want someone who will love me for my flaws. And I’d be shocked if you don’t expect the same out of me. Because that’s what a relationship is. It’s give and take. It’s fixing the problems not placing blame. It’s being able to say I’m sorry when you know you’re in the wrong and being able to forgive.

So, I’m sorry. These letters are really all a product of my speculation and presumptuousness. Maybe this is all me being neurotic and over-thinking. Heck, these letters are even assuming I even get married someday. But, someday, if I am married to you, if you ever see these letters, know that I meant every word of both of them. I will be loyal and dedicated to you. I will love you with all my heart. And I won’t give up as long as you still want me.

I’m always yours to have and to hold,

Your Future Wife

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