I’m not sure whether you’ll read this. Maybe you will stumble upon this and understand my words. Either way I am writing this open letter for any fair-weather, former best friend out there. You sure lost out.
It was sad to see you decide I was not worth your time. For someone who once considered me important enough to cultivate a deep connection, this was an outcome I never imagined. I would’ve laughed had someone told me, when we were at the prime of our friendship, that you would turn around and push me away.
I guess that makes me pretty foolish, huh? I was naïve every time I ignored that nagging feeling telling me you didn’t really care about the best friend title. I was naïve every time I defended your lack of attention and friendship maintenance. Maybe that’s on me for not realizing sooner that only one-way traffic filled this two-sided road.
Still, the unthinkable happened.
You thought I cared too much. I should stop. You thought I put too much attention into my friendships. I should stop. No, I shouldn’t be so loyal and invested in our friendship. I should just stop. Not entirely. Just on your terms. But, I should respond when you message me. I should be empathetic when you need me. I should only be there when it’s convenient for you.
Does that really seem okay? Would you let a friend expect that of you?
On this here—the last day of Lent— I am following through on what I gave up these past 40 days. I am letting go of this fear nagging at my insides because I care too much what you think. I am telling you what I have been too afraid to say:
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be upset at the fact that you message me maybe once every 2 or 3 months and then don’t respond to my messages almost ever. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be disappointed that I carry our conversations when they do occur. I will not be guilted into feeling like this is my fault anymore. There are plenty of people who would love to have a friend as dedicated as I am.
Perhaps one day you will realize what you lost out on by pushing me to the wayside. But, I am not going to hold my breath for that day or I will sooner fall unconscious.
So, I wish you the best. I truly do. I still believe the person that I held so dear is in there. But I am done being there whenever you decide to come around. I have too much self-respect to keep waiting around for you to decide that we are best friends again.
The Former Best Friend You Let Slip Through the Cracks