I am awake past 1:30 in the morning. My mind won’t turn off.
Thoughts of the past and the future keep racing in circles around my head. The faster they run, the dizzier I get.
Sometimes my classes and my socialization and my leg and my life get overwhelming and I feel like I’m on the brink of breaking. But, something keeps me going.
My family and my fiance are my strength through the hard times.
The military helped harden me and strengthen me too. It gave me the tough skin to keep fighting, even when it hurts to think.
My brain is my enemy sometimes. It feels sick. It is sick. That’s what mental illnesses are.
But, I am not my disorders. I am not the worst parts of me.
I am a woman with dreams and aspirations and a great future ahead of myself. Sometimes I just have to convince myself of the truth. I have to push out the questions and hold on to the things I know to be real.
I don’t really know where this post is going.
I’m kind of just rambling.
But at least I now feel productive. I’m not just letting my anxiety get the best of me. I’m not succumbing to the painful thoughts. I am writing and I am functioning and I will be okay.
I will be okay.
If just a little bit at a time.