How to Write a Blog Post in 15 Steps

Step 1: Grab your notebook. Choose your favorite pen. Flip open your notebook.

Step 2: Write a few sentences. Rip out the page. Throw it in the rubbish bin.

Step 3: Doodle on yourself, your page, your friends. Contemplate banging your head against a  wall. Decide not to give yourself a concussion. Do it anyways.

Step 4: Question why you are writing this. Question your career pursuits. Question your role in society. Work yourself into an existential crisis.

Step 5: Develop a nihilistic mentality. Lament about the loss of happiness on social media. Find a cute gif or funny meme. Realize you aren’t Edgar Allen Poe.

Step 6: Remember something you wanted to write about last week. Research. Fall down the rabbit hole and only come up for air three hours later.

Step 7: Start furiously writing so as to not forget everything you just read.

Step 8: Add in the word “facade” because your partner thinks it is hilarious, and they won’t stop annoying you about it. (Yes, this step is inserted for that exact purpose.)

Step 9: Stop writing halfway through. Edit. Edit. Edit some more until you don’t recognize your post anymore.

Step 10: Spontaneous dance party!

Step 11: Realize how late it is. Take your ten night time medications. Attempt at going to bed. Toss and turn for a half hour. Cover yourself with a blanket. Stick your leg out the side. Flip over. Kick the blanket off. Get cold. Put it back on. Groan into the pillow. Contort your body until you get comfortable. Relax into your weird position.

Step 12: Think of everything you should have written earlier, but be so determined to sleep that you don’t write your anything down.

Step 13: Finally give up on sleeping when not sleeping increases your anxiety which further prevents you from sleeping which increases your anxiety. Oh god. Thought spirals.

Step 14: Turn on the light. Put on music. Write until you can’t write anymore. Proof read. Tweak a few sentences here and there. Read what you wrote one last time.

Step 15: Post and pass out.

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