Originally posted on Love, Geeky Girl By: Dani Kessel Preface: Do not ask for any details or specifics about my own trauma. I *will not* tolerate questioning on the subject. That information is my business to share on my terms, and that is not what this article is about. This past week, I wrote out a … Continue reading Breaking Down My Thoughts: Victim Blaming
Originally posted on Love, Geeky Girl By: Dani Kessel We were all outraged, disheartened, and bewildered when news broke of the 2019 college admittance scandal. William ‘Rick’ Singer, CEO of the college and life counseling company Key, facilitated major test and admissions fraud by paying schools, coaches, and proctors to change records for parents who wished … Continue reading Why The “Varsity Blues” Sentencings Send the Wrong Message
By: Dani Kessel
[Warning: mature content ahead]
If you’re looking for the perfect way to spice up your sex on Valentine’s Day, you’ve come to the right place! Sex can become a routine when you live with your partner. It can also become a lot of the same thing when you are in a long-term relationship. Celebrating V-Day with your boo this week? This might be a fun opportunity to try something different.
Here are some of the best ways you can mix things up.
A sensual massage
If you are looking to give your partner extra attention, light some candles, put on some mood music, oil them up, and give them a sensual massage. Touch like this increases oxytocin levels and creates intimacy between partners. This act of giving will make your partner feel special and possibly get them in the mood for some romantic sexy time afterwards. In…
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It is extremely important that we teach teens about sex, sexuality, and virginity. This is the best way to fight against teenage pregnancy and high STI rates.
By: Dani Kessel
Sex, virginity, and sexuality are topics which every teenager should know about. As they grow into young adulthood, teenagers will encounter these kinds of situations. Unfortunately, as I learned while mentoring young teenage girls, many schools don’t properly educate them on these matters. Without the proper education, teens may feel unprepared for handling these issues. This article will take an inclusive, sex-positive, science-based, non-judgmental approach when breaking down these things.
If you are a parent struggling with what your teen should know, please take the time to read through these 16 things every teenager should know about sex, virginity, and sexuality and become comfortable with the idea of talking to your kid on these matters.
If you are a teenager who hasn’t been taught about sex, virginity, and sexuality, have no fear. This list will break down things you really need to know, and there are a…
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By: Dani Kessel
I have never particularly understood the hesitation in expressing love of all forms.
Our society puts such a heavy focus on romantic and sexual love, but why can’t we express platonic love? I don’t get the stigma towards developing close bonds with folks you aren’t romantically/sexually intertwined with. Best friends fill such a huge position in folks’ lives, and they should be recognized for their amazingness!
Friends deserve to share real connections with one another. Intimacy isn’t just sexual. Intimacy includes talking about meaningful topics, expressing vulnerability, hugging each other, supporting each other, spending quality time together, discussing shared interests. I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing those things. Friends should lift each other up and share in each other’s accomplishments, celebrations, missteps, fears, hesitations, etc.
We should embrace platonic love to its fullest.
Take time out of your day to see your friends.
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This week on Love, Geeky Girl, I broke down the myths surrounding bisexuality. I have known that I was bisexual since I was 9 or 10 years old. However, it took me well over a decade to come out to family and most friends. A lot of these myths contributed to 1) my self-hatred, and 2) my hesitancy in coming out. It took a long time for me to be comfortable in my own skin as a proud bisexual, demiromantic, GNC person. I hope that you take the time to read these myths and truths. Share it with the people who don’t understand or would like further clarification on the identity. And, drop any questions you have in the comments section. I am happy to answer anything that isn’t hostile, hate-driven, or derogatory. All my love, Dani
By: Dani Kessel
Identifying as a bisexual person comes with a plethora of misconceptions about who I am, what I do, and how my identity impacts my queerness. Nearly every bisexual has to fight against these false ideas about who they are. What makes it even more frustrating is having to answer the same questions over and over again. In order to educate others and decrease the need for explanations, I decided to compile a list of some of the most common bisexuality myths and break them down. Here we go!
Myth: Bisexuality is just a phase before coming out as gay or straight.
Truth: Bisexuality is a completely valid identity. It is not a stepping stone. It is not a way station. People in same gender relationships aren’t gay. People in different gender relationships aren’t straight. Bisexuals exist. Period.
In the past, folks may have come out as bi…
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By: Dani Kessel
The patriarchy relies on women to keep each other down so that we don’t pay attention to the ways society is structured to keep us away from positions of power. We do so dialectically often without even realizing it. Words have power to influence the way we see the world.
Fully grown adult women are called girls, infantilizing the gender as a whole. A woman airing grievances is called hormonal or hysterical, a term that origins back to the false idea of a floating uterus causing symptoms of anxiety, depression, etc. A woman who happens to be working and helping raise a family is a working-mom, denoting them as a caregiver first and foremost. These gender-coded words, among many others, wouldn’t normally be used to refer to a man. We need to reexamine the way we speak to and about one another to foster a culture of…
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By: Dani Kessel
If you were assigned female at birth or you identify/present as a woman, you are told on a daily basis what you are expected to be. You need to be soft spoken, mild mannered, friendly to everyone. Have the perfect body. Cross your legs. Don’t take up too much space. Smile more. Put others’ needs before your own. Don’t demand too much. Get married and settle down with a nice man. Procreate. Basically be the perfectly well-behaved woman. We’ve heard it all before.
The truth is that I will never be what society wants me to be.
I am too tall. I don’t have flawless skin. I’m too curvy and weigh too much. I like comic books, video games, pop culture. I’m too nerdy for my own good. I don’t want the white picket fence. I’m not straight; I’m bi. I’m certainly gender nonconforming. I hate dresses…
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I’ve been on vacation from my writing jobs, so you haven’t seen much from me. It’s nice to take a little time for my husband, pup, and in-laws. But in the meantime, here is a more serious post I wrote for Love, Geeky Girl.
When you’re done reading this, go over to the website to check out Sam’s December daily Blogmas posts. She’s put fantastic content out for Blogmas.
I will officially be back writing again in the first week of January.
Have a happy Christmas, Kwaanza, Hanukkah, Yule, Winter Solstice, New Year, and any/every other holiday you might celebrate!
By Dani Kessel
When you’re a millennial, you get called all the names in the book. You’re called ungrateful, lazy, entitled, etc. But most millennials know that this is the furthest thing from the truth. The world has drastically changed over the past few decades. So, when I see posts about things millennials need to learn about the world, I either laugh or get really frustrated. Older folks don’t seem to understand the ways the painful realities that the millennial generation has faced.
So, here are seven of the most painful experiences that will make almost every millennial say, “YEP!”
1. Boomers infantilize us constantly.
Generations are grouped together based on age groups, common experiences, defining world events, and a collective consciousness (further filtered by race, gender, class, and other intersectional identities). The millennial generation spans from 1981-1996 according to the Pew Research Center. The youngest millennials are 23 (or…
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It is the US National Coming Out Day. But instead of writing a post to the people coming out, I want to talk to those of you who are still closeted. You are seeing stories of others speaking their truth. It might be hard. I want you to know this: You are valid. You are … Continue reading Dear People Still Closeted Today